The calm before the storm

Hi friends.

I went in for my pre-op appointment, and guess what?!  I'm ready for surgery and not pregnant.  I consider this a win/win, people!  Let's get this party started.

My friend (and then about 6 others in the last few days) asked me how I felt about surgery, if I was nervous, etc.  I started to give my regular "I'm so ready, blah blah" speech when I stopped and was like...dude, I'm freakin out.

I know (most of) y'all don't even know what is going on, and again - THIS IS FOR YOUR BEST INTEREST.  However, let's just put it this way.  If next Friday does not go well, it will be bad news bears.  Now, do I really feel like things will go south?  Not reeeallly, but then I watch Grey's Anatomy and all that freaky crazy stuff happens and my mind goes to places I do not like to visit.  I do know that this is a very important procedure and I feel very confident in my surgeon choice, so there is that.  It will be fine, just surgery of any kind is way scarier than I like to deal with.  Honestly, I wish I were getting something fun done like new boobs or a tummy tuck, if I'm being honest.  For the amount of money this is costing, I could probably have had both done with cash to spare.  Alas, no one will get to see what my tiny fortune has fixed, but at least I will be good as new and ready to rock n' roll.

I'm so ready to work out.  I really wish personal training was financially feasible, but since I had to spend what little money I had stashed (and a whole lot I don't) looks like I'll be doing this reboot all on m'own.  I'm ok with that, I just really like having someone help me do proper exercises and most of all keep me accountable and safe while in the gym.  I really want to get my A-game back quickly and even possibly be bathing suit(ish) ready by June.  Running will have to come slowly again, but hopefully the ole size 10 feet don't start killing me again like they did the first time around and that muscle memory is an actual thing.  I've been toying around with buying a workout video (a la Jillian Michaels or Insanity) to do, too.  Does anyone have great success with these?  So many things I want to do, so little time.

Oh, and a personal note to myself.  You are not a size 20 anymore.  Quit buying clothes so damn big.  I know people don't want to hear this, but I can not wrap my head around the fact that I am no longer able to fit into anything in the Women's department.  I seriously keep buying clothes that are 1-2 sizes bigger (and not trying anything on, because i hate dressing rooms) and have them fall off of me after 10 minutes of wearing them.  I think I might need to see someone about this.  I honestly think I'm the smallest I've been since before children (whhhaaa??!?  Seriously.  That is a crazy town thought.), and if I'm not I just look a hell of a lot better than I did then anyway.  I've dug up some old pictures for your viewing pleasure.  I really think I've found my calling as a brunette...

Here is me, in Cancun, for my graduation trip in 2004.  I think I'm about the same size here as I am now, weight-wise, but I think I look totally different.  I also have no idea why I'm wearing that outfit.

This is our graduation weekend, December 2004.  Sean looks 12.  I look bloated from too much drinking the night before.  

Me and Sean, again in Cancun (this time for a wedding) in 2008.  I was one year post-partum from having Sawyer.  I was starting to lose some weight again for Amanda's wedding, but I was eating like CRAP and also working long hours.  It really didn't do me any favors...

This was Mandy's bachelorette party, August 2008.  I'd dropped to about 215 or so - the least amount I weighed since I had given birth to Sawyer.  I looked pretty good, but still carried the baby belly.  It's truly the bain of my existence. 

I don't have any recent pictures of me....maybe I should do a Whole 7 and then take some!  haha  I had a few bites of Sawyer's birthday cake yesterday and that was a bad idea.  All this Valentine's Day candy hanging around isn't helping, either...