Don't wish it away. Don't look at it like it's forever.

Many years ago (back before Facebook, if you can even comprehend such a time), I decided at the ripe old age of 19 that I should get married.  Surprising enough, most everyone we knew and loved thought it was an equally swell idea and thus began Sean's and my adventure together.  We had a rather long engagement, full of showers and parties and general wedding drama, and it was a really fun time.  So fun, I pretty much forgot to go to class during my sophomore year of school!  I mean, I had more important things to do like workout...live in the sorority house....workout some more (I did end up losing like 40 something pounds for the big day)...and attend every party I could find because we needed to celebrate!  When the big day finally arrived that hot, sweaty August - I was ready.  I practically ran down that aisle, said my vows and dragged my new husband to the biggest party we've (my parents) ever thrown.  It was epic, fun and a blur all at the same time.

The honeymoon and a few weeks of wedded bliss later and I was smacked in the face with my first taste of post-event blues.  I didn't want to do anything, I barely left the apartment and I told Sean we weren't going to make it since he left his wet towels on the floor.  Obviously, we worked through it (and much more over the past 10 years), but it just seemed so bizarre to me to go from being so high on life to being on the bottom of the floor so quickly.  It really was my first taste of the blues.  I was not a fan.

I often wonder if anyone else goes through the blues as badly as I do.  Post-partum depression was my most serious case yet, and after both children I had to be medicated and seen by a psychiatrist for weeks before I was back to feeling "normal".  It didn't help I was in stressful situations, job-wise, both times after having children.  I am 100% all about women taking the time for themselves after such a major life event, and am a huge advocate for getting help even if you think you don't need it.  Frankly, I think it should be a requirement for people to see a shrink at least once a month to unload.  Lucky for me, I have some pretty great friends that let me just say what I need to, not judge (hopefully) me by it and move on down the road free of charge.  I just wish I could figure out how to stay on the ups....and not have the lows go so low.  I get in these funks that just suck, and it takes me a day to really get past them.

I'm being quite honest with this post, and I'm not really sure why.  I didn't even really realize this was weighing on my heart so heavily before I started typing.  I love where I am in life, so the fact I'm so "whomp-whomp" about things is slightly ridiculous.  I guess we are just in another season of change, and with that brings the tears and the "how can that be's".  Maybe it was the cute picture of Sawyer in a graduation cap that set things off?  I'm still not sure how my baby is old enough to almost be done with Kindergarten.  They say nothing gives you a measure of time like watching your children grow, and that is so true.  Every so often I see his baby face, but mostly it's so grown up and kid-like that it's hard to see it anymore without really looking.  I barely remember what it was like with him at E's age.  I just feel like I want to press pause for a few days and soak life in as it is right now.  I never do well with change, but I always like the new that it brings.  I'm a silly girl.  :)

So, village, please pray for us while we make a few big decisions in the coming weeks.  I know it will all work out in the end, but dang if it isn't hard getting there!

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