I just want it to be easy.

I'm sorry guys, I know it's been a long time since I've posted.

Honestly, I haven't known what to write.

I don't want this to be a negative space, but that's kind of where I've been the last few weeks.  Frustration has set in because I haven't seen the changes I want to see and the only person I can blame is myself.

Diet, for me, is crucial.  It's also the first thing I throw out the window when the going gets tough.  Between genetics (thanks, birth parents), PCOS, and this weird gluten thing I have going it's harder than hell to make the damn scale move.  I've been stress eating and struggling to find my routine of working out.  There just never seems to be enough time in the day.  I knowingly eat something that has gluten in it because it is easy, and then I spend the rest of the day paying for it in one way or another.  It's just dumb, and breaking the cycle is a daily challenge.

So in a nutshell, I've been mad that I haven't hit One-derland.  It was my goal to be out of the 200s before the New Year, but with all the weird medical crap I had go down, I never made it.  I porked up quite nicely, lost a bunch of it on Whole 30 and have since maintained anywhere from 203-208, depending on a few factors.  I know I look thinner because I can tell clothes fit better than ever, but I just have this issue with my scale not having a number that reflects how I feel!  A stupid machine shouldn't dictate how I feel about myself, but it does.  I should break up with the stupid thing, but last time I did that I gained a shit ton of weight so I'm not so sure that is the best course of action.  Can I send my scale to live somewhere else for awhile?  Any takers?

I start complaining to my bestie about all of this, and I got this text back:

Damn.  She is right.  She is so freakin right.

She's the best best friend a girl could ever have, and that was exactly what I needed to hear.

So, I guess my pity party is ohhh-vaaah - I'm sorry none of y'all could make it.

Moving along...

Did you know it was possible to stay on the elliptical for an hour??  I mean, I've seen the time start for that long, but I didn't know it was actually something I could do.  It was a mind blowing experience, for sure.  I think I told Spike he was crazy, but who knew?  It can be done!  Here is the proof (and I promise I did stay on those last 32 seconds):

Speaking of Spike (sorry, buddy, I just can't remember to call you Selase), I'm so glad I finally called him for help (and somewhat kicking myself for not doing it a long time ago) and have really enjoyed working out with him once a week with my momma.  I just never work out as hard as I should on my own.  This will sound stupid, but there is just so many things to remember and when I am at the gym I don't want to do a whole lot of thinkin'.  I like that Spike remembers it for me because sometimes I get  a bit blonde and forget what I'm supposed to do (I know, shocker).  I do, however, think he sneaks in extra reps when I space out...but, since I can't remember there isn't any way to catch him.  He's good, that Spike...

Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm going to get back out there and rock it.  Thank you, village, for reaching out to me in the most random ways and encouraging me to keep going!  I won't let you down, I promise! :)  Cheers!