The Pursuit of Happyness

Have you ever seen The Pursuit of Happyness? I laugh when they are talking about "Happyness" being spelled wrong, but the F-bomb being spelled right. Right now I kind of feel like my "happyness" is spelled wrong, too. I do have the F-bomb spelled right, though. At least I have one thing going for me.

I can't freely write about how I feel today, because the layers are just too deep for this blog. So, I'll talk about friendship since that has been a topic of discussion lately.

Friendship is always an interesting conversation - what it means, how to have one, how to maintain one, when to walk away from a toxic situation. I'll be the first to say I'm not perfect, and if anyone thinks I'm trying to be let me correct you right now. To love and be loved are the basic emotions I have about friendship. I feel like it should be that simple, but it rarely is and that annoys me. It used to frustrate me to the core, but in my old age (ha, still younger than Sean) I feel like I've learned to let things go a lot more than I used to. I honestly don't really have an opinion on much anymore and basically go by the old "if you are happy, so am I" for most things concerning my friends. My life, personally, is deep enough and I don't want to get involved with much else. It's not that I don't care, it's just that I am sick and tired of having one-sided relationships that disappoint me in the end. I learned the value in true friendships during our house fire, and once again when I got sick. I feel like I'm getting a handle on having friends as an adult, and that the true value lies in quality and no longer in quantity. I know there is still the little girl inside, though, that just wants to be understood. Whenever I get frustrated by someone, I just remind myself that there is always a backstory, and to be kind even though I just want to be like WTF. So...I guess lately I've just reverted into myself a bit and just wanted to concentrate on what is best for me. You can only give so much of yourself before you have nothing left.

With all of that said, I love a good love story. I love learning more about people, hanging out with people who "knew me when", and spending time with families that get along with mine. Its the best when someone says that we should hang out, and then makes plans to make it happen. Spending time doesn't have to require a lot of pre-planning in my book. Some of the most fun I have had has been spontaneous. So, what type of friend am I? I'm sure anyone reading this can probably weigh in on this for me, but I hope I'm a good one. I know I'm honest, which may or may not be awesome all of the time. I am a fabulous shopping buddy, and I will for sure tell you if that dress makes your butt look big. I do love a good gossip session, and have no problem laughing at myself because I can be ridiculous. I want to inspire people to live the best life possible. It's a "brutiful" (thanks for that word, Glennon) time right now, but I see the good. It's there. I know it. I just want to know how to embrace it better.

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My big return to racing is happening this week, in four days to be exact.  I go back and forth between excited and worried.  I've been focusing a lot more on strength training than anything else, and I don't even think I've run a full mile yet without stopping.  I know it won't be the end of the world if I have to walk, and hell - I might be faster if I do.  I am about 15 or so pounds lighter than I was last time I ran a race, so I'm curious to see how that will feel 3 miles in.  My very last post-op check up is Thursday, and I'm excited to officially put that part of my life in the past.  I had a moment the other day when I did too much and paid the price, so that sucked.  I am just still so, so, so grateful that I found the right doctor at the right time.  Just so thankful.  So, with my best friend and Coach Misty in tow, I will make Sunday the best yet.  I just hope I get a decent race picture out of it this time!