Catch My Breath

"Catch my breath...no one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that..."

Wow - that pretty much sums up this whole week for me.  It's gone by so fast, I don't even know what happened.

 This week my awesome mother-in-law came in to spend time with us, and to hang out with Sawyer while I worked.  It was such a blessing, and so great for Sawyer to have one-on-one time with Grandma.  They had lots of fun adventures at the Zoo and the Fort Worth Science Museum.  I joined them for the Titanic exhibit (I'm such a sucker for anything Titanic...it's so romantic and doomed all at the same time.  I'll never let go, Jack Dawson!) and had such a good time!  It was so incredible to see the artifacts they found at the bottom of the ocean, some 70-90 years after the ship sunk.  It kind of blew my mind that it took them until the mid-80s to find the wreckage site, and that in just a few more decades the iron-eating particles in the ocean will make the boat collapse into itself and disintegrate.  Some of the things they found (rows of undamaged dishes, shoes with shoelaces, a towel) were incredible.  The care that it takes to bring something like that up from the bottom of the sea and preserve it so that everyday people can see it is so detailed and intricate.  Patience is a virtue they all must possess! 

Sawyer's boarding pass was for Thomas Andrews, Jr., the Titanic architect who perished in the sinking of the ship.  It was really cool for him since there were several mentions of him throughout the exhibit, and Sawyer was pumped to be "that guy"!  

About to board the RMS Titanic!  Sawyer was kind of pissed we didn't get to see the real boat. 

I've been struggling this week to get in a routine, to find my workout time, to be all the things I need to be for everyone, everywhere.  When things aren't "just so", I find it easy to get distracted and not use my time wisely because I'm so off.  Throw the unnecessary Daylight Savings switch and I have been just a mess!  I was feeling really sorry for myself and I went to People.com to look at famous people to space out again and I came across Jillian Michaels talking about how hard it is to balance motherhood with everything else she has going on.  I was like...HOLY CRAP.  Jillian Michaels, Ms. "No Complaining Allowed" is like son of a bitch, this is HARD.  And just like that, I felt a whole lot better.  I guess there was some gratification that I took from reading that, knowing that someone who seemed to see life in only one way was having her eyes opened to the challenges that being a mother brings and admitting that she was wrong before.  It didn't give me an excuse to not do what I need to do; rather I really took it as a sign to take each day as they come and to know that I'm not alone in this struggle.  (I still want Jillian's arms, though.  She's crazy ripped!  I'd let her come be my personal trainer any day, and I wouldn't complain a peep!)

I then met up with a friend for a random lunch and had a really enjoyable time catching up with her.  She really gave me another boost of confidence that my hard work was paying off, and that she (like so many others, thank you) is cheering me on.  I was humbled by her words, and felt a renewed responsibility to get back out there and make my weight loss goals a reality.  It can happen.  It really can.  I just needed to hear it from somebody else.

That same day (awesome day, huh?), m'friend Molly gave me a little shout out in her latest Forbes article.  Y'all.  I about freaked out.  It was so cool!  Now, the other 2.4 million Jennifer's in this world might think it was them, but I know it was me.  :)  You can check out her article here.  

So...after all of that, I had to run.  I just had to.  I threw my hair in a pony, grabbed my ear buds and just took off.  The run was like a really good run/walk (still working on endurance), and I was cruising around my neighborhood pretty quickly.  I have a Spotify playlist called Run Jenn Run, and I try to keep songs on there that I like and that are upbeat so I am not scrolling through my music while trying to keep a move on.  Kelly Clarkson "Catch My Breath" came on and it just hit me...this song just really sums up a lot of where I'm at now.  It is so simple now.  I let a lot of things for a long time go on that I didn't like.  I turned my cheek to things I didn't want to deal with.  I was always reactive, not proactive.  I let things happen to me, for me.  That's all changing.  It's already changed a lot.  For the first time in a long time, I am ok with it, too.  

The Great Return...

Happy Spring Break 2013!

Remember when that meant parties, drinking and doing even less than normal?  Yea...these days all that "Spring Break" means is a week I have to come up with plans to entertain my 6 year old along with getting my work done.  No sleeping in, no lounging in the afternoons.  It's also freezing outside, so this Texas girl is not really digging that, either.  All I have to say is I'm thankful for Wreck It Ralph and Play-Doh.

I did my first workout on Thursday, and I think I'm still sore today.  Maybe doing Day 1 of Couch 2 5k wasn't the brightest idea??  I was so pumped to be there, I kinda forgot about the whole "haven't worked out in three months" part of the deal.  I was QUICKLY reminded when I was sucking wind after only jogging for 90 seconds.  Wow.  It leaves you that fast, huh?  I think the only thing I lost faster than my endurance was all the Spanish I spent a semester in Mexico learning.  

I'm about 10 pounds lighter than I was last time I worked out, and I could tell a difference.  I definitely felt lighter in my mid-section while I walk/jogged.  I also could tell how dang jiggly I've become.  I felt kinda sorry for the dude behind me because I'm sure it was a scary sight.  It felt good, and I made it through most of the workout before feeling sore via my surgery site.  Per Dr T's instructions, I let pain be my guide, and I quickly wrapped things up and stretched out really well.  I was a good girl and did not go overboard.  I really wanted to do some weights, but I thought it might be too much?  I think I was right because I woke up the next morning, sore from head to toe.  Seriously, it was pretty bad.  I think I'm going to do Day 1 again tomorrow, and see how I do.  I'm giving myself two weeks to ramp up for training, because I need to kick it into gear after that.  I've decided to do the Heels and Hills 5k as my great return to racing on May 5th.  I hear the course is pretty flat, and the shirt is cute so I think it's a great way to get back into things.  I'd love to get a few 5ks under my belt before summer hits and the heat kills me.  I'm tossing around training for a 1/2 this fall/winter.  I want my 13.1 sticker!!  

I've had a friend reach out, and together I think we are going to take over the world.  Haha, just kidding.  She will totally take over the world without me, that I am sure of.  She is, however, going to give me lots of good workout tips, exercise plans and other fun information so we can see what this old body can actually do.  She has recently had a lot of things click for her and I'm excited what she's going to send to me.  I hope to have lots of good stuff to blog about!  I think I will.  

Cheers until next time...

Oh...hey, y'all

Oh my gosh.

Life just flies right by if you let it, doesn't it?  I have had two sick boys, and I'm worn out from that.

I'm not even sure where I left off?  I think it was right before surgery #2...

The second surgery was a success.  I feel amazing.  It kind of makes me sad I lived so long with things "not quite right", but I honestly didn't really know any better.  I'm not really sure which surgery was more rough....they were different, and my moods were different, too.  The first time I was in so much pain I just wanted to be done.  This time I was feeling pretty good going into it and I just wanted to have it happen so I could wrap this episode of "Random Shit that Happens to Me" up.  I had some really sweet friends bring food by again (a godsend.  thank you from the bottom of my heart, I love you!) and the Nene and Pop pitched in to help, too.  Sean was great with the kids and let me get lots of sleep (key for any recovery I need to make...from surgery, drinking too much, etc).  The boys were amazing and super sweet, and I got lots of kisses and hugs to help me get better quickly. All in all, it was positive experience and I'm thankful for all the help and prayers I received during the last three months.

Tomorrow I see Dr. T for my post-op appointment.  I'm confident I'll get a clean bill of health and clearance to start working out again!!!!  As she told me before surgery last time, I will have to be careful "not to F up her hard work" (her words.  I love this doctor.  she is pretty much a rock star), and I'm cool with that.  Honestly, I'm like a weenie - I have ZERO stamina.  I will be starting from scratch.  I have been researching different workouts and activities to keep me entertained and motivated, and I'm anxious to see what I can do to transform my body post-surgery.

Weight loss update: Positive note is that I haven't put on ANY weight since finishing my Whole 30.  I'm keeping at a 70/30 balance of Whole 30 vs non-Whole 30 foods, and that has worked really well for me.  I'm still rocking the Gluten Free thing, and I can always tell when I have something with Gluten because I start to feel icky.  I haven't had any attacks or been "glutenized" lately, thank goodness.  I haven't really drank much alcohol since completing the W30, and I'm cool with that, too.  I guess the really only "bad" thing is that I'm still stuck at five pounds away from what has been my next mini-goal.  It's driving me crazy, but being house bound for three plus months is something I'm just going to have to deal with and move on from.  Starting (hopefully) tomorrow things will change in that department!

I've been following two people pretty hard core lately, Mama Laughlin and Skinny Meg.  These ladies really make me feel like anything is possible, because they have both proven that it is.  Hell, Meg even stripped (almost) down and showed what weight loss looks like after massively kicking ass in the gym for awhile.  That takes some balls, y'all.  I will NOT be doing that myself.  You are welcome.  It's funny - my ultimate goal weight has always been 175 (what I weighed on my wedding day), but these girls blew their original goals out of the water and kept on going.  I really think I can do that, too!  I need to take pictures this week (Before I start getting my sexy back in the gym too much, haha) so I have something to gage this next phase with.  I really hate "selfie" pics, and I feel so dumb taking them, but I guess there is no way around it.  Sean is probably laughing right now at the thought of a photo shoot  and I already know how annoyed I'd get with him behind the camera.  I love my husband, but his talent does not lie behind the lens.

I guess I'll wrap up by saying thank you.  I know a lot of you guys were saying lots of prayers for me to feel better, and they totally worked.  I hope to have lots of updates on the blog now that I can be a normal person again, so I hope you will follow along!  If you have any cool workouts you like, or meals that have been easy and good - let me know!  I'm always willing to try something new (unless its brussel sprouts.  I'm not eating those nasty things no matter how hard you try.)

Coconut Chicken and Veggie Polenta Bake

I've been quite the lil Chef Boyardee here lately.  Last night we had one of my favorite people over for dinner and a good long chatfest.  She loves food more than me, so I thought I'd try out this Coconut Chicken recipe I found from Chef Eric Ripert.  I'm a super duper Top Chef fan, and bottom line - this looked like something even I could handle!  Here is the recipe:

Ingredients

• 4 (8-oz.) boneless, skinless chicken breasts

• Salt & pepper

• ½ cup cilantro leaves

• 1 lime, sliced into 8 rounds and 1 lime to squeeze

• 2 cups coconut milk (This equals 1 can of the Coconut milk you find in the Indian/Asian section)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Cut 4 (20x8-in.) pieces of aluminum foil; fold each piece in half crosswise. Place foil sheets on ungreased baking sheet.

2. Place breasts on each sheet. Season with salt and pepper; top with several cilantro leaves and 2 slices of lime.  I also squeeze lime juice into the packets because I love lime!

3. Pull edges of foil over chicken, creating a pouch. Pour ½ cup of milk into each packet; crimp remaining edges to seal.

4. Bake packets 12 to 15 minutes or until they’re puffed. Cut an opening in top of each; fold back edges and serve.

People.  This recipe was legit!  I'd maybe salt and pepper a little heavier than I did, but it was by far the juiciest chicken I've had in a long time!  I cubed sweet potatoes, tossed them in EVOO and S&P and baked them in the oven, too.  Paired with a Sauvignon Blanc, I'd say it was a really nice meal (and even nicer company, Melly!  We love you!)

Another recipe I made today is Zucchini Squash Polenta Bake.  This was almost as easy, it just required a little more prep time with cutting up the veggies.  Here are the details:

2 zucchini

2 squash

1 tube of Polenta from Trader Joe's (Gluten Free)

1 jar of Marinara from Trader Joe's (Gluten Free)

A big bag of Mozzerella, shreaded (or if you like have spare time - shred your own.)

Parmesan Cheese

*I sliced the veggies into long strips, but you could probably dice them so they are easier to eat (especially if you have kiddos)

Oven Temp: 375 degrees

1st - place sliced veggies (about 1/2 of them) on bottom of glass dish.  Salt and Pepper

2nd - pour 1/2 of your sauce on top.

3rd - make a good layer of cheese 

4th - layer your thinly sliced rings of polenta on top

5th - place remainder of veggies.  Salt and Pepper again!!! (I didn't.  You will need to.  Italian seasoning would be good, too)

6th - dump rest of your sauce

7th - top with another good layer of cheese, using the Parmesan on top so it will give it a nice crust.

Pop that bad boy into the oven for about 25 minutes and then serve.  

~Afterthoughts: this would be good with spinach, carrots, green beans - basically make it veggie overload.  I'll have to play with this more.

Both of these recipes are Husband Approved.  I figure that is good enough for me.  Sawyer ate both, but he was not in the best of moods so it wasn't by choice.  Too bad, brother.  

I need to get better about taking Food Glamour Shots.  The chicken totally deserved it - the presentation in the foil was pretty cool and my sweet potatoes were diced to perfection.

With all of that said, I'm off to watch Top Chef and stare at food I would never even dream of making myself.  Cheers!

ME

What can I say?  I was cute and I obviously NEVER missed a bottle.

See?  Bottle.

I actually remember playing in this doghouse.  It smelled like wet dog.  I guess I ended up smelling like wet dog, too.  Sorry about that, Mom and Dad!  Kinda gross.

Here is me, meeting my parents for the first time!  If you think they may be a little dressed up for the hospital, these were actually taken a few weeks after I was born at the courthouse where they picked me up at.  Can you believe it, a perfectly good baby was just left there?  Just kidding, I'm pretty sure there was an adoption agency person or someone facilitating the whole thing.  Cute babies like me need an entourage at all times.  

The calm before the storm

Hi friends.

I went in for my pre-op appointment, and guess what?!  I'm ready for surgery and not pregnant.  I consider this a win/win, people!  Let's get this party started.

My friend (and then about 6 others in the last few days) asked me how I felt about surgery, if I was nervous, etc.  I started to give my regular "I'm so ready, blah blah" speech when I stopped and was like...dude, I'm freakin out.

I know (most of) y'all don't even know what is going on, and again - THIS IS FOR YOUR BEST INTEREST.  However, let's just put it this way.  If next Friday does not go well, it will be bad news bears.  Now, do I really feel like things will go south?  Not reeeallly, but then I watch Grey's Anatomy and all that freaky crazy stuff happens and my mind goes to places I do not like to visit.  I do know that this is a very important procedure and I feel very confident in my surgeon choice, so there is that.  It will be fine, just surgery of any kind is way scarier than I like to deal with.  Honestly, I wish I were getting something fun done like new boobs or a tummy tuck, if I'm being honest.  For the amount of money this is costing, I could probably have had both done with cash to spare.  Alas, no one will get to see what my tiny fortune has fixed, but at least I will be good as new and ready to rock n' roll.

I'm so ready to work out.  I really wish personal training was financially feasible, but since I had to spend what little money I had stashed (and a whole lot I don't) looks like I'll be doing this reboot all on m'own.  I'm ok with that, I just really like having someone help me do proper exercises and most of all keep me accountable and safe while in the gym.  I really want to get my A-game back quickly and even possibly be bathing suit(ish) ready by June.  Running will have to come slowly again, but hopefully the ole size 10 feet don't start killing me again like they did the first time around and that muscle memory is an actual thing.  I've been toying around with buying a workout video (a la Jillian Michaels or Insanity) to do, too.  Does anyone have great success with these?  So many things I want to do, so little time.

Oh, and a personal note to myself.  You are not a size 20 anymore.  Quit buying clothes so damn big.  I know people don't want to hear this, but I can not wrap my head around the fact that I am no longer able to fit into anything in the Women's department.  I seriously keep buying clothes that are 1-2 sizes bigger (and not trying anything on, because i hate dressing rooms) and have them fall off of me after 10 minutes of wearing them.  I think I might need to see someone about this.  I honestly think I'm the smallest I've been since before children (whhhaaa??!?  Seriously.  That is a crazy town thought.), and if I'm not I just look a hell of a lot better than I did then anyway.  I've dug up some old pictures for your viewing pleasure.  I really think I've found my calling as a brunette...

Here is me, in Cancun, for my graduation trip in 2004.  I think I'm about the same size here as I am now, weight-wise, but I think I look totally different.  I also have no idea why I'm wearing that outfit.

This is our graduation weekend, December 2004.  Sean looks 12.  I look bloated from too much drinking the night before.  

Me and Sean, again in Cancun (this time for a wedding) in 2008.  I was one year post-partum from having Sawyer.  I was starting to lose some weight again for Amanda's wedding, but I was eating like CRAP and also working long hours.  It really didn't do me any favors...

This was Mandy's bachelorette party, August 2008.  I'd dropped to about 215 or so - the least amount I weighed since I had given birth to Sawyer.  I looked pretty good, but still carried the baby belly.  It's truly the bain of my existence. 

I don't have any recent pictures of me....maybe I should do a Whole 7 and then take some!  haha  I had a few bites of Sawyer's birthday cake yesterday and that was a bad idea.  All this Valentine's Day candy hanging around isn't helping, either...

I earned my Whole 30 badge today!

I did it!  I wasn't perfect, there were a few slips, but I have completed my FIRST WHOLE 30!!  Man, it feels so good to say that.  This was such a crazy, ridiculous, expensive month it is nice to have at least this to feel proud about.  I have found something that I'm really passionate about, and I hope that I may have inspired some of my village along the way, too.

So, for the good stuff, right?  I lost a grand total of eight pounds in the past 30 days!  That is incredible for so many reasons.   I haven't been able to work out this entire month.  That means, on diet alone (where I wasn't perfect, we all know about those latte's I had to have) I dropped more lbs in one month than I have ever before in this whole "Don't be a fat-ass" adventure I began in September.  I wish I had been able to combine Whole 30 with working out, but that just wasn't in the cards.  I was in indescribable pain the first 18 days into W30, and in recovery for the remainder.  The doctor has been so impressed with my recovery that I was able to get my surgery scheduled a few weeks earlier than expected.  I contribute a lot of that to my clean diet that has proven to reduce swelling, which has been crucial in my situation.  I also looked up my old measurements and I have lost 2 inches from my biceps, 2 inches in my waist and 3.25 in my FUPA area.  That is insane, yall!  I knew, obviously, that things had changed, but seeing numbers like that is really uplifting.  Lil old PCOS-ridden me is really doing this!  I'm not counting calories, I'm not counting points, I'm not eating boxed foods, I'm not having cheat days or out of control binges - I don't need them!  It doesn't make sense to me to have cheat days when I feel fulfilled and not missing out on anything as is.  If I want a treat, I will give myself one.  I will have a glass (or three) of wine.  Crazily enough, when given the option of having chocolate again or my cinnamon apples, I went for the apples imeediately.  It just makes me feel better.  Creamer in my coffee tastes disgusting, and cheese seems like wasted calories.  I had always heard it takes three to four weeks to break a habit and create a new one, and that is really true.  As hard as it was to start running, I got better at it and even PRed in races.  As hard as it was to go Gluten free, I had to do it and feel better for it.  As hard as it was to cut my eating down to clean and organic as I did, it has changed my views on a life and how I want to fuel this body.   It's made my mommy heart happy that Sawyer has picked up some of the eating habits I have, and wants to eat spinach leaves, fruit salads and vegetables more than ever.  It's really cool.

To continue the great Health Debacle of 2013, my second and hopefully last surgery is scheduled for the 22nd.  Everything is looking great and I am healing up quiet nicely according to the good ole doc.  I was actually healing up so well that I was able to schedule my surgery a few weeks earlier than Dr. T had originally anticipated.  I am so excited to get this ridiculousness over with.  I won't be cleared to workout until the end of March, so I'm looking forward to April being my big return to beast mode at the gym.    I hope to get at least one race done before the heat of the summer kills us all, but following doctors orders I might not be able to attain that and I'm going to have to be ok with it.  Maybe this year will be the year I finally swim a lot?  I just have to be really careful and not undo all the handiwork I'm about to have done.  I will be starting over on my C25K to regain my stamina with running.  I really like that program because it really helps you pace yourself and not burn out too quickly.  

I guess that's it.  Whole 30, take 1 is a wrap.  I proved it to myself that I could do something hard even during trying times, I lost a ton of weight, and I feel really, really good.  I'm toying with the idea of doing another W30 in April when I'm cleared to work out to see how it would go.  I really, really like the Paleo lifestyle and really plan to maintain it.  For my insulin and hormonal issues, the lack of sugar really makes sense and obviously benefits me.  I also hope I can maybe make it the whole time without any damn lattes (even if they were made with soy).  If you are reading this and think "hey, maybe I should give this a try" - just DO. IT.  Seriously.  Take a few days, gather up some recipes, meal plan your little ass off and make it happen.  If you have family members not wanting to participate, tell them to fend for themselves if they don't want to ride the healthy train.  I cooked W30 and if the boys wanted something more or different (including Sean), they would add it to their plates themselves.  It was kind of harsh, but it wasn't like I was trying to be mean - I just knew if I started handling cheese/milk/desserts I would cave and cave quickly.  After a few weeks, it honestly became no big deal, but it was crucial the first week or so to not be around that stuff as much as possible.  Don't beat yourself up if you have a slip.  This isn't about making yourself feel bad, it's about making you be more aware of the choices you make when it comes to food.  Thank you to all my friends for all the support I received during my first W30.  You all made it a really fun and uplifting experience and I loved sharing it with you.  Cheers to another adventure in the books!