The day when my Cuisinart and I became one...

I'll take y'all back a few years with this one.  When Sean and I got married, we were kids with no idea what it would take to make a "house a home".  Registering for our wedding was so fun, and we made sure to make the most of this awesome blessing that are wedding presents.  I ran around Target and Macy's, scanning everything I "thought" a new bride would need. We didn't live with each other before saying "I do" (technically - Sean did stay at my parents house for like six months before the big day to save on apartment costs), and I had never lived on my own before so neither one of us was bringing much to the table.  Sean had the taco bed that when made, you could see the huge dent in the middle, a Korn poster and this touch lamp that lit up when you touched it.  This lamp would be a major point of contention for many years, but I digress.  I didn't have much else, so honestly we needed every single item our friends, family and my parents friends hooked us up with.  Sadly, no one ever bought us a food processor, but we were too busy eating nachos and drinking dollar beer to whip up anything too exciting, anyway.  Oh, the good ole days...

Fast forward a few years, to when my parents bought Sean a Cuisinart food processor.  I thought the thing was super cool, but I didn't have the slightest idea how to use it.  All I'd ever seen my parents use it for (I know, Mom, you use it more than this - I just can't remember what for) was Dad's salsa.  His salsa is pretty BA, but still...there is only so much salsa one person can make.

I am almost positive that we never used it before the Great Fire of 2011.  Oops.  I was melty and gross afterwards, so we put in for a replacement via the insurance claim.  I almost didn't buy one since we never used the one we had before, but in the need to make EVERYTHING just as it was (even though it wasn't) I bought one at Kohl's.  I think I even had a 30% off coupon!  And in the box it sat...until this Whole 30 business began.

I busted out the FP (food processor) early on in this adventure to make the "super easy and great tasting" cauliflower rice.  By the end of that debacle, I pretty much wanted to throw the cauliflower out of the window and stick my wrist into the churning blade.  Since that is not possible, with the 1478397 safety features on the FP, I shoved that baby back into the cupboard and swore I'd never use it again.

I made my roast again today (whaaat?  I like roast.  It looks like I really tried hard, but I didn't do shit!) and who doesn't want some taters with roast?  Well, actually, the thought of real taters kind of grosses me out but I wanted something LIKE taters in a bad way.  Krista cooked me some mashed cauliflower when I was pathetic and cracked out on pain pills, and I really liked them so I thought maybe I could try to make them, too.  I got onto the internets, and every.single.recipe required you to use a food processor.  OMG.  The pressure.  I almost said screw it, but I had this poor head of cauli that needed to be cooked.  It was now or never!  I found the easiest recipe I could find, almost chopped my finger off floretting the cauli and threw it into the steamer while I screwed with the FP.  Let me just tell you, these people are SERIOUS about you not losing a finger.  No matter what I do, it always takes me at least 10 minutes to get the bowl to attach to the base.  I really feel like Sawyer could probably handle this task better than me, but since there is a sharp blade involved I've decided that a good mother would never let her (almost) 6 year old touch it.  Right?   Mother of the Year 2013.  Crap...digressing again.  Anyway.  I get the damn bowl on the damn base and then it takes me another five minutes to attach the top of the bowl and latch it properly so the blade will actually turn on when I press GO.  I'm tired of typing about this, so you can imagine how tired I am already of this stupid machine.

My timer goes off on the steamer, and I get a nice facial when I lift the lid.  Cool, bonus!  I bring the cauli over to the FB and throw in a few florets, toss in a spoonful of minced garlic and let her rip (after properly attaching the lid, of course).  Holy crap, this puppy can liquidize food in seconds!  I was totally impressed, and I just kept adding floret by floret until they were all mashed up.  I stirred in some black pepper and salt and boom - done.  Best part was Sean cleaned up my mess!!  Score!  I have to say, this was a really good side dish.  Had I put cheese on top, honestly - I doubt I would've known the difference from real taters.

So, I'm proud to say I'm not scared of my FP anymore, and I actually thought it was cool using it.  I should find some more recipes that require it, and see what else this puppy can do!

Here is a quick sum up of mashed cauli:
1 head of cauli
cut into florets
place in steamer for 20 mins - I salted them in steamer
throw steamed cauli in FP, add minced garlic, salt and pepper to taste
pulverize them - and eat em up!

I'd like to steam them or maybe boil them in veggie stock, maybe give them extra flavor?  They would be great with shrimp and bacon bits, too...