Do you want to Party?

Back in my day, we didn't play this game with jingle bells...

In 2012, I became something most people I'm friends with still don't know much about...a parent of an elementary school aged child.  Now, this seems easy enough to those who have not started their career yet, but I'm here to crush your dreams and give you a swift dose of reality of what I dread the most during the school year:  CLASS PARTIES.

Class parties fall into the same realm as participation ribbons for me - totally unnecessary, but yet apparently required. I know I sound like a total Scrooge, and I am, but I know I'm not alone in thinking they are usually way too much work (thanks, Pinterest) and oftentimes like the Hunger Games when you have more than one crafty mom involved.  You do not mess with the vision of the crafty mom.  I have had crafts taken out of my hands and been shunned to the drink station (i.e. where parents go who didn't get an unused art degree) before.  I'm not gonna lie, I probably deserved to be at the drink station, because I can't make a reindeer out of apples and sticks.  This is a skill that is totally not in my wheelhouse.  Can I open a Capri-Sun like a boss, though?  Hell yes, I can.  I don't even need two pokes with the straw.

I have found the up front approach to my party-phobia and general attendance at school functions has served me well these last few years.  Instead of actually physically attending these parties (because, 1. I work and 2. I'd rather shoot myself in the face), I've found that if you send money to the Head Pinterest Mom, they tend to leave you out of most planning activities.  I feel as if that's really doing them a favor, honestly.  If you send them an extra fiver on top of what you are paying to get out of helping, they tend to leave you alone entirely.  I am not above bribery, and/or wine delivery.  Help me help you, said the great Jerry Maguire.  #showmethemoney  

So, while I totally sound like a jerk, here's the part where I redeem myself.  I truly, really, 100% honestly adore the momma's that serve as my kiddo's room mother's.  I couldn't do it, and they know it and love me anyway. (What's not to love?)  Everyone of them has/have loved on my boys in ways they wouldn't receive from me (crafts, homemade goodies, actually hanging out at their schools), and they also take a lot of time to shower our awesome teachers with love and treats that I would love to send myself but never quite do.  They plan fundraising events, compassionately deal with over-reacting other parents (I mean, sometimes items go missing), handle field trips and always send me cute pics of the boys having fun with their friends.  They also can put down the hammer on the boys in my absence if they are acting crazy, so in a way - we are a darn good team.  I am thankful for them, and grateful for their service in the trenches of Elementary School.  I could not do it without them.

Come to think of it, I should probably give them a ribbon.  It's really the least I can do.