The day when my Cuisinart and I became one...

I'll take y'all back a few years with this one.  When Sean and I got married, we were kids with no idea what it would take to make a "house a home".  Registering for our wedding was so fun, and we made sure to make the most of this awesome blessing that are wedding presents.  I ran around Target and Macy's, scanning everything I "thought" a new bride would need. We didn't live with each other before saying "I do" (technically - Sean did stay at my parents house for like six months before the big day to save on apartment costs), and I had never lived on my own before so neither one of us was bringing much to the table.  Sean had the taco bed that when made, you could see the huge dent in the middle, a Korn poster and this touch lamp that lit up when you touched it.  This lamp would be a major point of contention for many years, but I digress.  I didn't have much else, so honestly we needed every single item our friends, family and my parents friends hooked us up with.  Sadly, no one ever bought us a food processor, but we were too busy eating nachos and drinking dollar beer to whip up anything too exciting, anyway.  Oh, the good ole days...

Fast forward a few years, to when my parents bought Sean a Cuisinart food processor.  I thought the thing was super cool, but I didn't have the slightest idea how to use it.  All I'd ever seen my parents use it for (I know, Mom, you use it more than this - I just can't remember what for) was Dad's salsa.  His salsa is pretty BA, but still...there is only so much salsa one person can make.

I am almost positive that we never used it before the Great Fire of 2011.  Oops.  I was melty and gross afterwards, so we put in for a replacement via the insurance claim.  I almost didn't buy one since we never used the one we had before, but in the need to make EVERYTHING just as it was (even though it wasn't) I bought one at Kohl's.  I think I even had a 30% off coupon!  And in the box it sat...until this Whole 30 business began.

I busted out the FP (food processor) early on in this adventure to make the "super easy and great tasting" cauliflower rice.  By the end of that debacle, I pretty much wanted to throw the cauliflower out of the window and stick my wrist into the churning blade.  Since that is not possible, with the 1478397 safety features on the FP, I shoved that baby back into the cupboard and swore I'd never use it again.

I made my roast again today (whaaat?  I like roast.  It looks like I really tried hard, but I didn't do shit!) and who doesn't want some taters with roast?  Well, actually, the thought of real taters kind of grosses me out but I wanted something LIKE taters in a bad way.  Krista cooked me some mashed cauliflower when I was pathetic and cracked out on pain pills, and I really liked them so I thought maybe I could try to make them, too.  I got onto the internets, and every.single.recipe required you to use a food processor.  OMG.  The pressure.  I almost said screw it, but I had this poor head of cauli that needed to be cooked.  It was now or never!  I found the easiest recipe I could find, almost chopped my finger off floretting the cauli and threw it into the steamer while I screwed with the FP.  Let me just tell you, these people are SERIOUS about you not losing a finger.  No matter what I do, it always takes me at least 10 minutes to get the bowl to attach to the base.  I really feel like Sawyer could probably handle this task better than me, but since there is a sharp blade involved I've decided that a good mother would never let her (almost) 6 year old touch it.  Right?   Mother of the Year 2013.  Crap...digressing again.  Anyway.  I get the damn bowl on the damn base and then it takes me another five minutes to attach the top of the bowl and latch it properly so the blade will actually turn on when I press GO.  I'm tired of typing about this, so you can imagine how tired I am already of this stupid machine.

My timer goes off on the steamer, and I get a nice facial when I lift the lid.  Cool, bonus!  I bring the cauli over to the FB and throw in a few florets, toss in a spoonful of minced garlic and let her rip (after properly attaching the lid, of course).  Holy crap, this puppy can liquidize food in seconds!  I was totally impressed, and I just kept adding floret by floret until they were all mashed up.  I stirred in some black pepper and salt and boom - done.  Best part was Sean cleaned up my mess!!  Score!  I have to say, this was a really good side dish.  Had I put cheese on top, honestly - I doubt I would've known the difference from real taters.

So, I'm proud to say I'm not scared of my FP anymore, and I actually thought it was cool using it.  I should find some more recipes that require it, and see what else this puppy can do!

Here is a quick sum up of mashed cauli:
1 head of cauli
cut into florets
place in steamer for 20 mins - I salted them in steamer
throw steamed cauli in FP, add minced garlic, salt and pepper to taste
pulverize them - and eat em up!

I'd like to steam them or maybe boil them in veggie stock, maybe give them extra flavor?  They would be great with shrimp and bacon bits, too...

The home stretch

Only five days remain in my Whole 30 challenge, and I honestly can't even believe the month has gone by so fast.  I did a few meal planning preparations today, and even made pumpkin chili again for lunch today.  I guess all I really need to do is coast through the next few days, call it complete, and crack open a bottle of wine to celebrate!  I know I shouldn't reward myself with wine, because that kind of defeats what Whole 30 is all about, but whatever.  I deserve it, dammit.

A few thoughts about the past few weeks:

I'm really, really, really glad I decided to do Whole 30, and I'm also really glad I started my year off with this challenge.  It has helped me in so many ways:

1.  I have lost all the weight (and still counting - I will hopefully have a great number to share on Friday!) I gained over the holidays.
2.  I have completely changed my eating habits and introduced a great number of new food items that I love.
3.  It provided me something I could "control" when my health issues went out of control.
4.  It has allowed me to heal faster than I would've on a normal diet.
5.  It has given me something to feel good about, when honestly I want to pout.
6.  It has made me want to make a permanent change in my eating and lifestyle.
7.  It makes me excited for when I can hit the pavement again and see how running goes when I'm lighter than I have been in YEARS.

I know I have been very vague about my recent health issue on this blog, and I will continue to be unfortunately.  Aside from a few trusted friends and family members, if I have told you anything it probably wasn't the whole truth.  I'm sorry for lying, but my awesome village has a hard time accepting the "it's a long story" line so I just kinda said something so people would quit asking.  I know it sounds harsh, and it sucks not being able to be like "Dude.  I have _____ and it really, really blows."  Honestly, before surgery, I didn't even really know 100% what it was, either. It just is so gnarly and ridiculous I'm doing you a favor by not telling you the nitty gritty hahaha!  I pride myself in being very forthcoming, honest, and open when I write but sometimes things are just better left unsaid.  What happened to me was scary, super painful and frustrating.  Having to have surgery was about the last thing I wanted to do, but after consulting with my wellness doctor and hearing her say she thought it might require surgery, I was a little more ok about it all.  I know Dr. Cindy would never suggest surgery without trying everything possible, and I know I did everything I could on the granola front to try and heal things naturally.  I finally found a specialist that got me on the right track, and I will having my follow up visit on Thursday.  We will schedule my second surgery then, which will be to repair a few things and have me good as new.  Personally, I'm praying that by sometime in April I will be able to start lightly working out again.  That sounds really far away, but I know it will be here before I know it.  I'm doing my best to be a good little patient, but we all know how terrible I am at it.  Sean has been wonderful, and has even embraced my Whole 30 lifestyle (for the most part) and helped cook me meals when I just didn't feel up to it.  The kids haven't really missed a beat, and for that I'm grateful that they are still little and think life is all about them.  It's been a crappy month, health-wise, but I am feeling better every day and that is all that matters!  Moving on.

I have to give a little random shout out to this great online boutique I have found.  It is called Kiki La'Rue, and if you havent checked them out - you should.  Becka just quit her high-paying, but super high stress job to run this dream of hers, and she is such a bad ass I want all my friends to support her and look good while doing so.  Besides her awesome customer service skills, she has a soft spot for the curvier woman, and purchases clothing at market to help us who aren't a size 4 look fab, too.  I've purchased a few things from her already, and follow her Instagram (@shopkikilarue) religiously.  She has been posting things she found for Spring, and seriously - I want it all.  I am so excited that I finally A. can wear boutique clothing and B. found a boutique as cool and well-rounded as KLR.  Do yourself a favor, and check it out! http://www.kikilarue.com/

I'll be back Friday with my final weigh in and my surgery plan.  Here's to a great week, friends!

Gotta finish, even if I limp across the line...

You know who just finished her 21st day in Whole 30??  That would be ME!!  Only 9 more days to go, but honestly I don't know how much I'll go back to once I'm finished.  I'm loving the way I feel and am so happy to eat what I like and not have to count calories, points, eat boxed foods, etc.  It's really freeing.  It's been really strange having my tastes change.  I've repeated a few dishes in the past 21 days, and how it tasted at the beginning compared to now is incredible!  I love the natural flavors I've found in clean eating, and discovering different spices has been fun, too.  I don't even really miss cheese!  It seems like such wasted calories to me now.  The hardest thing for me has been the sweet snacks.  I want chocolate.  I want it bad.  

I'm still down 6 lbs, and I won't lie - I am kinda bummed about that.  I kinda wondered if I would lose any since I already had cut grains out of my life, and that is usually the biggest "change" people deal with while doing Whole 30.  6 pounds is 6 pounds, but I wanted it to be 16.  Maybe if I didn't cheap with those lattes?  Just kidding...sort of.  

My biggest hurdle has been the inability to workout.  I never thought I would miss the gym, but I do.  Having my morning workout just clears my head, and gives me the energy to do what I need to do as a wife/mom/room mom at RJ.  I'm so thankful I had surgery, because I do feel a ton better.  I am looking at having procedure #2 in the next few weeks, and dread having to go through recovery all over again.  I hate being incapacitated and most of all I am terrible at asking for help.  I am just not good at it at all.  Thankfully, I have some friends who kinda don't mind my inability to ask for help and just take action.  Amanda and Krista hands down are the reason I was able to stay on my diet while dealing with surgery and the days after.  It was such a blessing to have meals ready to go, and it be food that the family could enjoy while I went in and out of a medicated coma.  My poor parents picked up the slack so much, too, and I am so glad they are close by.  Sean was a super star and let me sleep 20 hours a day.  It was a rough few days.  I hope the 2nd round won't be so bad.

That's all I have going for now...thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers during this crazy past few weeks.  I've been so blessed by it all!    

A whole lotta...stuff

I'm closing out my 12th day on Whole 30, and I'm feeling really good!  I'm down a solid 6 lbs and my tastes are changing daily.  In the spirit of full disclosure, I have cheated in the following ways:

• Two grande soy lattes
• one donut hole (gagged - too sweet!!)
• one chicken nugget (not gonna lie.  I like chicken nuggets.  They don't like me, though)

I figure that is pretty darn good for me.  I've been known to sneak big time.  Really the only thing that I truly miss are coffee's.  I'm thinking if I went and bought another Keurig, I wouldn't miss it so much.  I just don't want to spend the money!!!  Too bad my birthday is so far away...

Meal planning has gotten a lil bit better.  This morning was a bit of a panic because I hadn't made it to the store and I didn't have a THING that was W30 approved.  I ate my last Lara Bar and hoofed it to the store after dropping Sawyer off at school.  I had, however, made my shopping list so I was ready to go and stay focused on what I needed.

This eating clean mess is not cheap.  I'm trying to figure out the give/take with cutting out fast food and coffee treats, but I feel like it's worth the expense.  I feel a ton better, I really do.  I also know what is in the food I'm eating, and not playing Russian Roulette with gluten.  I'm eating way more calories than I was before, and I'm LOSING WEIGHT.  Go figure.  My calories are smart calories, and I'm not counting anything.  I'm just eating.  It's actually quite freeing.  I'm full a lot faster, but I don't feel puffy.  I don't fluctuate up 5-7 pounds a day, either.  Pretty cool stuff, and I feel awesome knowing I'm doing this the right way for me.

A recipe that I've made twice now and it's been a fan favorite is this Balsamic Roast that I make in the Crock Pot.  It's so simple, I'm almost embarrassed to tell y'all about it.  All you need is the following:

1. 3lb roast
2. 1/2 cup Balsamic Vinegar
3. 2 cups Beef Stock
4. 3 tablespoons of tomato paste
5. 1 onion, sliced thinly
6. 5-6 minced garlic

I just take the roast and salt and pepper both sides.  I think you can sear it or whatever real chefs do, but that is just another pan to get dirty so I don't worry about that.  I slice up my onion and lay a few rings on the bottom of the crock pot, and then place my roast on top.  Dump in the beef stock and balsamic vinegar.  Cover the top of the roast with the tomato paste and then the garlic (I dump some in the juice) and finally top with a few onion rings.  Place your crockpot on 8 hrs low and there ya go!  I served it with cauliflower rice one time, and roasted sweet potatoes the next time and I preferred the potatoes.  The flavors went together perfectly.  I think carrots would be awesome, too.

My plan for this week is as follows:

Balsamic Roast - cooked

Egg Apple Strusel Casserole - cooked

Coconut Chicken

Mini Meat Loaf Cupcakes

Roasted Grape Steaks

Mexican Style Shrimp

I'll eat left overs and I'm having lunch out a few days, so this should get me until Sunday.  If I am not feeling whatever, I just make an omelette and call it a day.  I pick things that stretch and I also have Pumpkin Chili in the freezer for emergencies, too.  I went to Aldi and bought everything I needed there for about $100.  I've also signed up for Bountiful Baskets, so that will be interesting.  I ordered a juice pack, so Sean could get his juice going again.  I have a few odds and ends I need to purchase (Cinnamon, coconut oil, etc) but I think it's pretty good to have the family covered for a whole week already!  Too bad the kids aren't big fans of eating still..

So, to sum it up - I'm feeling good and settling into a routine.  I honestly don't really see the need to go back to the way I used to eat when this is not that much harder but so much better for us all.  

I have an MRI on my leg tomorrow, so please pray for a quick experience and good results.  I'm tired of not being able to work out.  It's really screwing with me, and I want to get back to my running.  I know I'll have to start back at square one, but that's better than not doing anything.  I just want to feel better. I'd also like a personal chef, but I'll take what I can get.

Why am I doing this?

Why am I doing this?

I guess it really should read: Why I am doing this.

I've never been 100% great with sticking with things.  I've been burned one too many times and my Virgo-ness takes over and says "why don't you just kinda hang tight and sit in the middle of the pack where you know you will be safe."  Fear is a constant in my life.  I'm always scared to jump head first into anything, because "what if?"  I really hate that I have that much fear in my life these days.  My need to control things has gotten a bit out of control.

As a child, I was extremely athletic.  I pretty much looked like a boy in most of my pictures growing up because I had my hair slicked back in a pony tail, Umbro shorts on and a seriously oversized shirt hanging to my knees.  As a kid, however, I had no fear.  I did not care about what people thought, or how my actions affected others - good or (sometimes) bad.  I would go out on the soccer field and terrorize anyone that got in my way.  I was also very protective - I would sneak out with my friends at night just to make sure that they got home safely.  I am loyal to a fault, even though I would get burned because of it. I sometimes miss being that girl.  She was kind of badass.

I am not really sure when I started eating a little more, caring a little less.  I have had a few major traumatic events that probably didn't help things, but it was such a gradual weight gain that I honestly didn't really notice.  "You carry your weight well" and "You have such pretty hair" were things I heard a lot, which I now know is code for "Holy shit - you are fucking huge and we don't know how to tell you that."  I can't really blame my friends and family.  Who wants to tell someone they look like shit? I mean, I'll be honest with you when we are shopping that the shirt you tried on is ugly - but to tell someone they are one hamburger away from needing to be on the Biggest Loser?  That is not a fun topic.  So, I get it.  I have people that love me unconditionally.  I'm really lucky.  I'm also lucky that I finally had the ability to look myself in the mirror and say ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

Excuses are like assholes, everyone has one.  I had like 398483 of them.  I didn't have the time.  I didn't have the money.  I didn't have the energy.  My back hurt (this excuse is true.  It does.  See previous post to look at its curvy craziness).  We were too busy with the kids.  Work was a time suck.  Blah blah blah.  It's so stupid, really.  All I was doing was making the bad situation worse.  I just kept gradually buying bigger clothing, mostly in black.  Black hides fat.  Black clothes makes fat invisible - until you see a picture of yourself, and then that fat (and more) magically appears!  It's totally crazy!  I had a lot of friends jumping on the fitness bandwagon, and I was like hell to the no, I was not doing that.  I would always joke that the only chance you would see me run was when someone was chasing me with a knife and even then, I might just give up and let them stab me.  I laughed about it, but inside..I was so sad.  I watched people today at lunch, and it just killed me to see the girl in the corner shoving a hamburger down her throat.  I was that girl...I still am that girl in many ways. I saw how she fidgeted with her too-tight sweater (in black, of course) and never looked comfortable in her skin.   Food is just that, food, but sometimes - it can be so much more.  I never thought it would be for me, but I wasn't immune to the over eating.  The formerly athletic girl had become a rock that never moved...and food became less about being fuel for my body and more about pacifying my mood swings.

So, I'm doing this crazy 30 day cleanse to prove to myself that I can set my mind to something and achieve it.  That food once again can become fun, exciting, and good for me.  That a normal, 30-something mother of two can make the time to be healthy for herself and her family.  If I inspire just ONE person to do the same, then this journey will be worth all of the chopping, dicing, food processing and Paleo eating.  I want to be here for my kids, to show them both that there are other foods than chicken nuggets (even thought E refuses to eat most everything still.  We are working on it).  I want to be here for anyone that thinks it can't be done - to be proof that it can.  I like the change that I see in me.  I bought a size 14 pant today, y'all.  I haven't been in that size since college.  I have a long way to go, but I'm getting there.  So, get ready for another 23 days of food pictures and potential meltdowns.  This ride isn't over anytime soon, but I'm sure glad you are all on it with me.

Whole 30 - Day 3 and 4

I totally broke the first rule of Fight Club, I mean, Whole 30...I weighed myself today.

AND WHOO HOO GLAD I DID - I'm already down four pounds!

Now, I know that this will go up and down and all around, and it's kind of making me mad thinking about how awesome it would be if I could workout during this experience (I'm starting back this week.  I can't sit still any longer), but I am already thrilled by the results that I am seeing.  Here is what I'm noticing so far:

1.  Weight loss.  I'm back down to my pre-holiday weight.  I had a hell of a good time putting it on, but I'm glad it came off so quickly.  Now we start on the remaining 10 lbs I want to lose to get out of the 200s!!

2.  My head is not foggy anymore.  In fact, it's the clearest its been in a long time.

3.  I have energy.  So much so, that I cleaned out my closet AND did the dishes!  Who is this person?

4.  Little to no tummy bloat!  Yay!  My stomach is still getting adjusted to the major introduction of veggies back into my diet, but so far so good.  It was a little rumbly in my Financial Peace Class tonight, and that was embarrassing.  Next class I'll remember a snack.

I'm still struggling so much with meal planning.  I need to sit down and physically write out a schedule.  It's the only way things will happen.  I only have one more week of Sean home every night before he starts back to school, and I don't want to waste any of that precious time!  It will also help with the crazy trips to the store.  I'm already out of apples and almost out of eggs.  I'm pretty sure I need something else but my brain is tired of all the cooking and thinking.  I also need to pick 3 big main courses to cook this week so we can rock those.  I made Curry Chicken in the crock-pot and it was A. bad ass  B.  easy as hell and C. nice to have something ready to heat up (I made it the evening before).

My goals for the week are as follows:

1.  Meal Plan and shop accordingly
2.  Workout at least 3x
3.  Continue the Great Purge of 2013 and attack the children's toys

A few of you guys asked about Curry Chicken Recipe - my fellow Whole 30er Tiffany sent it to me and her family loved it, too!  I bet you could make cauliflower rice (need to do that so bad) and eat it with it and it would be awesome.  I highly recommend having avocado with it, the smooth texture and little bit of sweetness was a nice compliment!  The recipe can be found here.

I also made Apple Streusel Egg Casserole today.  The consistency was perfect, but the flavor was just a tad bit off...until I ate it cold. I LOVED it cold.  Who knows, I'm probably just starving and will eat anything at this point, but it was a lot sweeter and the apples were much more flavorful.   The egg mixture would actually make a really good crust-free quiche base, made with veggies and meat in it.  I'm thinking about making one tomorrow or Tuesday to eat for breakfast a few days this week.  It would be yummy with homemade salsa!  I have had a few ideas thrown my way on how to make this one with the apples more appealing, but like I said - it was amazeballs cold.  Who knew!??

Here is the recipe:

Apple Streusel Egg Muffins

3 large green Apples chopped inot ½ inch pieces (I used Fuji, it was good)

3 tbls warm water

2 tsps cinnamon

1 ½ tbls coconut oil

9 eggs

3 tbls coconut milk

1 ½ tbls coconut flour ( I used Almond flour - it was what I had on hand)

¼ teaspoon baking soda

Pinch of sea salt

Brown the apples in a pan with the coconut oil and half of the cinnamon.  Let cook until they are like chunky applesauce.  In a bowl, whisk the rest of the ingredients and then blend with the cooled Apples.  You can also add chopped nuts if you want.   Bake in a glass pan at 350 degrees and cut into squares.  I made them in a cupcake pan, and had to soak for a week to get the egg out.  Bake for 35-40 mins.  Check at 30 to make sure how much longer.

If you made it to the end of what is possibly my longest post to date, congrats.  Your prize is one of the 30 pairs of shoes I'm donating!!  You're welcome.

Whole 30 - Day 1 and 2

Hey folks...

So, I'm finishing up my second day of Whole 30 and I'm not going to lie. I'm totally over it already.

Now, this is actually coming as a shock to me because I've given up gluten pretty much bitch-free. If I can do that, then why is this so difficult? I have no idea. Oooohh wait - I do!

I have to meal plan.

I hate meal planning.

I'm completely out of my comfort zone and I'm really over finding recipes that I can't make because I don't have the elusive coconut milk on hand. I'm also really tired of not eating chocolate. I am, however, realizing that chocolate is my comfort food of choice, and I tend to reach for those sea salt and dark chocolate covered almonds probably more than I should. So, yay. My first realization of many, I'm sure.

I read the book that was written by the same crazy people that came up with this program, and it was really good. A wealth of knowledge, really. It doesn't make this any easier, and for $9.99 I wish it came with more recipes. And a chef. A chef with lots of recipes. That lives in my house and makes me wonderful food.

Bottom line, the real problem (besides the no chocolate part) is that I can't work out and it's driving.me.crazy. I think I'm probably out for another month. I've been diagnosed (self and otherwise) with a few things but I really think it's most likely a gnarly torn muscle and it's in a hard place to heal. I tried to walk the other day on the 'mill, and I barely got through 20 minutes without bursting into tears. It's painful to walk a lot, it's awful to run and honestly it keeps me up at night, too. I think if I could workout I would feel a lot better - or, if nothing else, get my aggressions out on the weights and not on my poor family. Hopefully things will change soon, but until then...I'm really sorry for my shit attitude and lack of patience. I'm probably not very nice to deal with at this point and I'm going to go ahead an apologize for being an asshole in advance. Just covering my bases!

I've got 28 more days to go. I hope this is worth it (and I don't lose any friends in the process...)